Sacrifices

 Have you ever had one of those days where so much and so many people have kicked you while you were already on your hands and knees? Please allow me to tell you a little about myself. Before you continue to read I must warn you, this is not going to be one of those blogs where something positive is going to come out of it. This is me venting. This is me letting it all out. I am one of those people that everyone knows they could pretty much ask for anything from me and I would do my best to make it happen. I have always believed that through sacrifices greater things will be gained. I have always been willing to make the sacrifices I needed to make to achieve the things I wanted to achieve. I have always been willing to go the distance. When I love, I love. I wear my heart on my sleeve and give my all. I have always believed that people deserve to have at least one person in their life to show them that when life knocks them down and their self confidence is close to nonexistent that there is someone out there that will always love them. I have had so much happen to me. I have had so many people come into my life and take everything they could and then leave me there empty handed, holding my crumbled and bruised heart, watching them walk away because I had nothing else to give. You can call me a push over but really I just like to love. I want, scratch that, wanted to make a difference. Even if it was just in one person's life. See, that's the problem. I place way too much trust in humans. I do things and sacrifice things in hopes of the getting same in return. That is NEVER going to happen. People are way too selfish. No matter how hard I try it will not make a difference. I will still be the one to blame, I will never be good enough, I will never have enough to sacrifice, and I will always be used. Doesn't that just suck? Too bad. It's time to suck it up. It's time to get up, throw the shattered pieces of my heart away, take a deep breathe and say fuck it. It's time to get out in this world and show no weakness. Eat or be eaten right? I am pretty sure I have officially learned my lesson. My heart will no longer be on my sleeve. You want to blame me for what you have done? Prepare for an argument. You want to treat me like shit? I hope you're okay with being treated the same way. You have your hand out to take something from me? You better show me what you have to give first. I am tired of being the person that everyone knows they can get things from. I am tired of being ran over. I am tired of people mistaking my kindness for weakness. I am tired of getting hurt. Congratulations world! You have officially made me just like you. I have set way too high of standards for myself. I don't think that because I can't meet those standards but because I can not maintain them. What do you do when you don't like who you are? Change it. I am done living for other people's happiness at the expense of mine. Funny thing is, I can count on one hand the people that will stick with me through these changes. So, to those of you who realize that I am no longer the push over you loved so much, goodbye. I am far better off without you in my life. You know where the door is and I promise you that you will not be missed. I am done sacrificing. The only sacrifices that will be made from here on out will be the ones I decide are worth it...for MY happiness. Okay, I believe I am done venting. I feel MUCH better. That is all. Thank you for reading.